Corn chips next to my bedstand. Almonds in-between calls at work, and egg sandwiches for breakfast. I’m just 4 weeks pregnant, but it seems like my body has already determined what it wants to eat at any given time during the day! This is all a brand-new experience for me as a first-time mom. Some people have asked me how I feel knowing that there is a new life being knit together inside of me. I can think of one word in particular: peace.
You see, there have been many instances in my life that I believe the Lord has used to prepare me for this moment: times when He lovingly took away a “crutch” I was leaning on so I could instead rely completely on Him. I knew motherhood could become such a “crutch” for me. I knew I’d be tempted to rely on it as a “status” before my family and friends, smugly nodding to myself that I was finally part of the “mommy club” (I don’t know if such a thing exists, except in my mind). The Lord had been prying that crutch loose in the months before I knew I was expecting, bringing about physical, emotional, and spiritual valleys that allowed me to see His hand in the darkness, His heart in the sorrow, and His light in the uncertainty. Months went by until He brought my heart to a place where I knew, with every fiber of my being, that even if the Lord never blessed us with children, He is enough and He is better!
As I stood before a positive test in my bathroom recently, the prayer that rose from my heart to the Lord went something like this, “Father, thank You. This new life is Yours. May I never hold my fist tightly around this little one, but hold him or her loosely, knowing that You are free to take him or her at any time...and You’d still be good! Whether it is by sending him or her to remote places of the earth to proclaim Your Name at the cost of his or her life; whether it is by taking him or her to be with You even before he or she is fully formed; whether it is by Your not allowing him or her to communicate as easily with us as parents because of a disability... Father, this little life is Yours. Thank You for what lies ahead, whatever it may be. My heart will praise You, for You are good!”
I felt God surround me with unshakeable peace. Moms, whether you are new to motherhood as I am, whether you are in a busy season of mothering several little ones, or whether you are enjoying the blessing of being a grandmother, my prayer is that we would all hold God’s amazing gifts loosely, not with tightly clenched fists that cling to them as the ultimate end, but as glimpses of the One to whom we truly should hold fast.
Psalm 34:8 “Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!”
(Photo courtesy of Nutdanai Apikhomboonwaroot at
FreeDigitalPhotos.net.)
